Tag Archives: Phase 2 Journal

Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 276 – Breaking Free of Apathy

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Last week I was perusing through the Robert Scheinfeld facebook phase 2 players fan page and I came across a number of people reflecting my growing feelings of apathy towards the world. Feelings that would eventually become a gaping void of unfeeling determined to swallow me whole. The great war of my life had always been internal and the stage was set for another massive battle.

All along in Phase 2 my “logical mind” – one side of the war – attempted to rationalize the journey by putting in its thoughts before every other internal sensation  including emotion, intuition, and the truth. It seems my brain and all of the tools of its domain – rationalizing, analyzing, planning, reasoning, extrapolating, etc – holds a lot of discomfort about this whole transformation and continually wants to assert its control. If logic mind had its way my life would be akin to a fascist police state where rules, order, and “reason” would make me a slave to an impossible ideal of perfection. Logic mind has never completely won. Intuition has insurgences now and then but fully giving into intuition feels like it would become chaos. This fear has kept me from completely surrendering. But I could not deny the truth any longer.

Do you ever had an intuition to do something that goes against your logical mind?

Lovers who get together without reason experience this. So too the person who turns left at the traffic signal even though previous knowledge suggests that right is the quicker route to their destination. Gut reactions have saved and doomed many people, but I would argue that it’s always for their best. Though intuition is the underdog, it has a heart of gold. I realized the risk of chaos is worth the true freedom of living reactively.

But I hadn’t considered the secret weapon of logic. Never has there been a more potent force for stopping progress than apathy – just look at our political system in America for the last 10 years. Regardless of where your allegiance stands, the fact remains that less people voted ever in the previous two elections (before Obama and McCain of 2008)

As I did the Phase 2 work one by one my logical arguments dissolved due to processing and a fleeting feeling the truth of who I really am. It was like I finally found the volume control on the battle cries of the logic mind who all along told me I would bring about my own destruction. And then, like a dark cloud , logical mind brought out its nuclear bomb – apathy.

My Logical Mind’s Last Stand

There on the battlefield of my mind sat two opposing forces. All my life these forces had been in equilibrium. But now they’ve both learned the truth and both attempted to use the truth to win their war once and for all.

“If I really believe the Phase 2 work then he doesn’t need plans.” said Intuition, stoutly.

I reeled at the true ramifications of this statement and saw my freedom on the horizon, but the forces of logic stood fast.

“If you really believe the Phase 2 work then nothing exists. If nothing exists, then nothing matters. If nothing matters, then what’s the point of living?” said logic quite logically.

I’m was stunned, frozen. My intuition made a desperate reply. “Weren’t the rules you blindly enforce meant to take away suffering?”

Logic mind made a compassionate retort, “Yes. We want to protect you from suffering.”

Intuition pleaded, “The fact that nothing exists makes it easier to see the truth behind all suffering and thus negate your purpose for this war. If suffering doesn’t exist, you have no reason to protect us from it.”

Logic mind, in this battle to the death, came back with a swift final attack.

“If you can see the truth behind suffering and believe that it isn’t real, you must feel the truth behind joy as well. It is also not real.” Intuition felt its world crumbling.

“We’re here to protect you from the emptiness you feel. We give your life purpose and meaning. It may not be real, but it’s far better than the world beyond the void.” He pointed to the gathering forces of darkness, now surrounding the battle field.

Intuition, appropriately against all reason, rebuked the forces of logic and said. “We will not be slaves to this fake world any longer.”

Logic, with a grim demeanor says, “So be it. Your world as you know it will come to an end.”

A dark cloud of apathy swiftly seeped into all the world inside my brain and my soul. An inky blackness that would not shake because it seemed to be the force behind everything, even the light of joy.

The Aftermath

I stayed in the fog of apathy for a time. Nothing in life seemed to matter. My family, my cats, the money I had, my talents – nothing was real, so how could I engage with it? I had forsaken who I’d always been and what was left was an ever growing black hole. In my despair I had the darkest thoughts yet:

Busting loose isn’t real.

The process isn’t real.

There is no game.

I’m a prisoner to a reality that isn’t real.

There is no winning, there is no losing.

There is just being – purposelessly wandering an alien world in an alien self.

My disconnection was almost complete.

There is no going back. No going forward. There is only here now. In a world of infinite possibilities, mine would be of infinite sadness if I felt emotion at all. I was a ghost; an observer. I was in purgatory waiting to die.

Yet inside the black hole where my illusory joy had all but collapsed, sparked a singularity; A distant twinkling light in the abyss.

The Other Side

Once I felt that single light of truth I started using the process. It didn’t seem to do anything at first. The black cloud stayed as the chaotic emptiness continued to be the force behind everything in reality. I processed and processed. I sheltered the frail conviction that this couldn’t be real; this couldn’t be the truth.

I beat my fists into the air, trying to physically dismantle the reality where I was submerged. Still nothing. Another night went by seemingly sealing the fate on another doomed self help crusade to bring some kind of order to this turbulent life I lived.

Then one day I gave up knowing somewhere inside that if Busting Loose told the truth that I could do no more in the moment to see it. Saving myself now was beyond me as the player. The next day I resumed my old patterns of being and began to rebuild my logical mind in order to reclaim my fake joy. I figured a life of pretend purpose was better than a life of no real purpose. I was back at square one.

In a conversation with a great (non buster) friend I asked them what I should do with my life. She hesitantly began to speak when my phone inexplicably shut off. And that’s when it hit me.

What was it?

The truth.

In small ways at first. Sensations before thought and emotion. Sensations of knowing, slowly permeating my consciousness. Those bits of knowing formed thoughts which in turn broke open streams of emotions. And my logical mind, previously my enemy, joined the rousing silent chorus of understanding and overwhelmed me.

I was not real.

My logical mind is not real.

My intuition is not real.

There was no battle between logic and intuition. Those opposing forces were merely players just like other aspects in my hologram.

The  rift between them that created the void was not real.

The void is not real.

Everything was true joy in disguise – the greatest, most epic disguise ever experienced by my player.

The apathy that consumed me was not real.

So much power so quickly made me dizzy and exhilarated. The peace I felt then was the truth. Truth like I hadn’t experienced. Truth that foregrounded everything I experienced. Truth that spoke without words to the beauty of the illusion not in spite of its illusory nature, but because of it.

Do you question the beauty of the ocean, the sky, the deep reds of a sunset or the look in your lover’s eyes? The illusion is infinitely more beautiful than its images, tastes, or sensations. I looked into the mirror and saw its surface.

My logical mind, playing the part of tyrant, had held a deceptive piece of the truth – “Your world as you know it will come to an end.” And it did, but also a new beginning. For the first time in Phase 2, I had broken through.

A visual map of my journey.
A visual map of my journey.
Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 257: Last 9 months Overview

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Wow. That’s a huge gap between day 12 and day 257. In other words, almost 9 months. I’ll give a quick recap about what has changed in that .75 year period.

In the hologram (for those of you result-minded-Phase-1-residue folks):

  • Career – Not only consistent work (after a 6 month period of nothing), but work I like doing. I also managed to save up over 3,000 dollars while feeling much more highly valued by my employers than ever before.
  • Creativity – Returned to finishing my feature film as well as building a new website which eventually came full circle back to this one.
  • Community – “Discovered” a large support network of people for the Busting Loose process.
  • Body – My body, though it still feels pained, it is more fit than it’s ever been.
  • Exploration – “Got over” much of my social anxiety and began exploring more of wonderful New York.

Now for the really important changes. As cliched as it sounds, I’ve developed a much deeper understanding of Robert Scheinfeld’s work.

The best way I can describe it is that before I was trying to “use” the busting loose process to acheive an end. Now it’s much more about embodying the principles and letting them connect and subtly transform my life.

For example, I’ve always been a planner. In fact, just recently I created a five year success flowchart. That’s right, I’m the kinda person who gets all tingly over a flowchart. Well this is exactly the kind of future-obsessed Phase 1 thinking the process was meant for. I have since then slowly let go of my attachment to all of my big plans to become famous, rich, well-loved, muscular, and a world traveller.

Not that I don’t want those things – but right now – now is more important. Both for the busting loose process and the salvation of my sanity.

A caveat: The journal was originally supposed to show the slow progression into Phase 2, but for reasons related to my expansion, that did not happen over the last 9 months. However, all of that experience will color the articles I write from now on and I will constantly be referring to that period in this journal.

Stay tuned.

Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 12

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I said before that my intention was to record my dealings with the process. It’s been almost a full week since my last update, but I haven’t felt like posting about it.

Until now.

Here’s the quick recap: a week went by, no work, some family drama, I spent most days feeling from lousy to downright hopelessly depressed. The process became harder to apply in these times, but I still did it. It gave me about twenty seconds of relief at most. Kinda like a whip it. For a second I could touch the infinite, then it would recede into the background. When good things did happen, they didn’t change my mood. I was definitely in a slump.

A Patch of Sunlight

Robert Scheinfeld compares the process to poking holes in solid cloud cover that covers your entire reality, blocking out the sun (your Expanded or Higher self) creating a gray dismal world below (our limited reality.) By using the process you poke holes to allow some of that light to shine through.

A major hole got poked for me. It was a series of fortunate events (and brilliant minds)

Results in the Hologram

I finally got paid for the work I’d been doing, and was able to pay off all my debt. With the resulting money, I decided to simply buy things and trust that I had enough. I figure building trust in myself is more important than a $27 check bounce fee.

I’ve been working out consistently for about two months now and I’m starting to see results. I’m the most muscular I’ve been in my life which isn’t saying much since I’ve almost always been skinny as a rail.

But here’s the kicker.

The Breath of God

And no, you don’t have to duck a sawblade to make it past. And yeah, Indiana Jones wish he had this holy grail. I wrote the article Breath is Your Guide which is actually a composite of the philosophies of Robert Scheinfeld and Alan Watts and it rang completely true. You don’t have to believe me, but know that somewhere after writing this, feeling its’ message resonate, playing the fantastically immersive video game Mirror’s Edge and reading Steve Pavlina’s superb self development articles – I cultivated a burning desire. Not since before my falling out with the Law of Attraction did I have such a burning desire.

Having my life long dream of making a feature film almost succeed and then crash and burn was more pain than I could bear. Now I desire to make movies once again, as if it’s new again, as if the pain has left me. Replaced with resolve.

After the burning desire, came the resolve, then the conviction of what I must do, and when I must do it, then the illusions of what I thought I wanted fell away, then the path seemed obvious. Then I began to walk it. This all happened in perhaps the span of three or four hours. Writing this blog in this moment in time is part of that purpose.

I felt my expanded self saying “Wake up. the wind is at your back. Fulfill your purpose. Create your dreams. For you are not just you, but you are your dreams waiting for you to live them, you are your purpose holding you steady on your course, and you are the wind that makes your steps lighter, your heart stronger.” It was like I’d been in a coma and now I was spiritually breathing again.

Now mind you, not much has changed in the external world – the hologram. I’m still damn poor, living in my parents’ basement, with no way to make movies easily, in a town where I don’t know anybody. And my mouth is sore because I just got my first wisdom tooth out.

But I’ve seen the light. It’s cold and rainy down here in limited reality (and in New Jersey) but I’ve seen a glimmer of what is to come. And believe me when I say that everything became completely clear. Does the process work? Hell yes.

Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 5

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Finally! Some success! I say this as though I’ve endured long years of backbreaking labor to get here. When in reality it’s been only 2.5 months since I moved to New Jersey and only 6 short days since I began using “the process” And this is also considering that the ultimate result of the process is to not depend on the hologram for happiness, and to in fact bust loose from it.

Today the results came in three incredibly noticeable ways.

Morning Pages

The morning pages are amazing. They are the uncensored self bursting through and creating. I actually can’t wait to do them tomorrow. I’d say the allure of them is it’s completely free. For instance, in this blog, though I do talk about a wide range of topics many of which are personal, I still have to censor and edit what I say. I have to put my complete thoughts into coherent sentences, consider things like flow and word count, and make sure I cover my topic as objectively and lucidly as I can. In free writing I can switch topics, write just for the sound of the words, expunge my deepest emotional pains, and be more honest and clear with myself. Clarity is produced by the morning pages. I can’t recommend them enough to anyone walking an artistic or spiritual path. And doing this gave me inspiration to write about other things.

In addition to the morning pages, I’ve decided to go on a reading diet, as I tend to numb, distract, and ultimately sabotage myself by reading. I’m planning to do this for at least a week. Right now, I’ve found clever ways to rationalize checking my email and facebook just as often. I figure baby steps are in order, as I’ve already freed up a lot of time by not reading movie blogs.

Bills

Bills have always been a pain for me. I usually am in some sort of denial with causes me to pay them late, because I really don’t want to pay them at all. Well in the process of internalizing money as the breath of life (spend and it will come back to you just as naturally) I was actually looking forward to bill paying this time. I wanted to see if it was possible to reframe something as negative as bill paying.

Well the act of paying the bill didn’t feel nearly as negative, but all the busywork involved (finding the number, calling, figuring out which extension, waiting on hold, etc) felt just as negative as it usually does. But I felt much more secure this time in “spending” money to pay bills and being able to believe for fleeting seconds that I was simply sending money into the ether where it would naturally come back.

Negative thoughts also accompanied my analysis of how much money I would have left over. I’m starting to believe that focus is the action that solidifies reality in the quantum sense. If our observation remains fuzzy, then it’s possible for things to magically appear, but if it remains fixed on a certain object, then that object stays locked in a quantum stasis. Maybe this is why truly a watched pot never boils.

Fear ultimately won over faith here and I carefully calculated (focused on solid reality) the numbers such that I wouldn’t pay more than I had in my bank account. I will try to look at things more “fuzzily” in the future.

There is however, no sense of lingering dread associated with bill paying at the moment like there was before. And any time I recognized negativity I applied the process. And the process so far has given me the ability to at least detach my current emotion from its’ trigger and let me feel a temporary (like 5 seconds) sense of unconditional love towards the hologram.

Expanding Social Life

The lack of this has been a major factor in the mounting resistance I’ve felt in the past couple of months. I’ve mostly been hanging out with my parents, which is cool, but it’s like going to school to be a filmmaker and learning only about the boom mic. There are so many more people out there to meet.

Tonight I went to a comedy club which turned out to be free, a great show, and a great place to meet people or take people you’ve already met. The icing on the cake (and what restored my faith in this experiment) was that I met a girl who happened to have just moved here two weeks ago from a place I had been before (Madison, WI ) and who happened to live four blocks from me. I was in New York, an area along with New Jersey comprised of some fifteen to twenty million people. And on my first night out in the city, I met a girl with similar spiritual views who not only lives in my city in Jersey, but only four short blocks away!

Synchronicity anyone? Yeah. I think this is working.

Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 5

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I feel as though I’ve hit a brick wall of resistance.

The process is seeming more and more silly and as time goes on it feels less and less effective and I’m not seeing many real world results that I wouldn’t normally see.

However, deconstructing this sentence leads to many valuable insights. “More and more silly” means that resistance towards the legitimacy of this process is building. In my experience, resistance is created with progress, not the cause of it stopping. In fact, resistance is necessary to progress, as yin is to yang. As gravity is to flying.

“Less and less effective” means I’m trying to quantify this process with my rational mind. Certainly that is the point of this blog, but the process of opening to a spiritual path is understood to be non-linear and non-rational. So this argument doesn’t hold water either as the very act of creatively observing something limits the possibility of the results of that creation to the reality created in that moment by the observer. More to the point, the act of attempting to measure progress with a scientific system towards a non-scientific goal is a fundamentally futile act. With quantum physics at work, I’m fairly convinced that keys can actually disappear and reappear which is why I lose them, and success can appear out of the blue and completely transform my life.

The counter-argument here is that I’m assuming to atleast experience more internal congruence and peace until I see results in the hologram, and that these internal states are indicators of the process “working.” “I’m not seeing many real world results that I wouldn’t normally see” is a statement that implies that there is a difference between “normal” results and the results that I’m experiencing on this spiritual path. These things I can’t know, as I so far have not been able to exist in two simultaneous realities to compare and contrast. The question, “what would I be experiencing now if I didn’t embark on this spiritual path five days ago” is like asking “when is the universe?” That is, it doesn’t make any sense at all. There is only now.

This doesn’t conflict with the intention of this series of blog posts – but it does conflict with my expectations. My intention is merely to chronicle my emotional states, any weird synchronicities, and my application of “the process” over as long a period of time as I continue to use it. My expectation, however, is that something extraordinary would be happening, not intense confusion. But perhaps this is me not noticing the emotional states of confusion and uncertainty for their miraculous nature. What I do know is that something inside me tells me to keep going, so I will.

Science as Faith

Another thought comes to mind – the idea of scientifically documenting a spritual path. In essence, I am attempting to use science to hedge my bets, or more to the point, replace faith as a means of comfort. I think to myself, “as long as the data is pointing in my favor, I can relax” long before I think, “I am the creator and as the creator, I can effortlessly achieve my dreams.” As I’ve said, I am a results driven person – still in many ways steeped in the Phase 1 idea of responding to the hologram as the all encompassing reality. Seems like if I truly believed in Phase 2, I wouldn’t have the slightest shake in my faith that I had immense power to live in immense joy.

It would be like living on a tropical island with a soulmate lover, supportive and laughter-inducing friends, and zest for life that was insatiable, all while a black and white TV in the corner (the hologram) played continual reruns of tragic news stories.  Eventually, my focus would be on the absolute joyful nature of my existence that the black and white TV would be taken to the good will and I’d win a brilliant wall sized LCD display of beautiful places, inspiring speeches, passionate art, and a deep exploration of the world. But how do I shift my mind from its continual investment in the TV and the driving need to know the outcome of each tragic story? How do I see the wonder of the tropical island where I already am? Some say meditation but right now that brings up only resistance.

The Artists’ Way

An incredible book by Julia Cameron which recommends, among othter things, going on a reading diet. This is a radical idea for a voracious reader and knowledge sponge like myself. It actually seems brilliant. To stretch the above metaphor, my obsessive need to read and be in the know quite possibly is my obsession to watch the Black and White TV and turn up the volume to drown out the lulling sounds of the ocean.

By contrast, doing the opposite would be like turning down the volume on the TV set to hear the birds, the sigh of my lover as she sleeps, and the rustle of her skin against the bed sheets. Hearing the subtle drops of rain on the window pane. Sure I might watch the TV without volume, but eventually I’ll grow bored and start watching nature outside. Maybe seeing that glorious world will compel me to act?

Well I’m going to try it. No reading for atleast 1 day. If nothing else it will give me plenty of fodder for the process.

Busting Loose

Phase 2, Day 1

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So after (not) much deliberating I’ve decided to take the plunge. To put my money where my mouth is, or rather my behavior where my mind is. I’m moving into Phase 2 so I can give the world’s first step by step account of the path to enlightenment. After much searching on the sidelines of the truth, getting glimpses of it behind all the obstructions of my beliefs, I have finally made it to the launch pad. The world will never be the same. Or it will and I will have conducted a fantastic experiment.

Skeptical?

My aim is not to persuade those who don’t agree, but rather to provide a step by step account of what happens to believe this journey is possible, inevitable, and above all, the truth. Think of it like a journal about sleep deprivation or a radical diet. But it’s a limitation deprivation and a life diet.

A Confession

This isn’t technically day 1. I was introduced to these concepts just last week by my good friend and after it ignited my interest, I found all the free stuff regarding “Busting Loose from the Money Game” that I could get a hold of. Even so it was difficult to get a complete picture of Richard Scheinfeld’s vision without having read the book. I finally got a copy of the book last night and began reading. I voraciously finished it this morning (yeah I slept in there) and decided once and for all to go on what he calls the great treasure hunt of Phase 2.

My Path is Unique

Since the basis of this journey is that I am the sole creator of my holographic universe - see my article on “Unplugging from the Matrix” , it may seem weird that I’m deciding to share this information with a “fake” universe and that it would be a huge waste of time. Well, firstly, see my article on “Quantum Physics and Your Friends” to see that this presupposition is and isn’t the case. And secondly, one of the missions of Phase 2 is to do what you feel compelled to do, and I feel compelled to write. So even if you are all imaginary, this is still more than worth it.

Having said that, I’m going to narrow the focus of this blog to only situations that pertain to Phase 2 vs Phase 1 thinking, application of “The Process”, and any changes that appear internally or externally.

The Process

As I said I’d been practicing the process for a little under a week now so I’ve had it memorized: experience discomfort, tell the truth about who you are (as the creator of all in this reality), reclaim power, and experience your true self. I noticed a couple of things in his book that I couldn’t glean from the cliff notes I found of a seminar of his, things that served to fill in this model of reality well.

The process doesn’t actually end at feeling infinite, although the brief feelings I’ve had are great. They are sort of a wash of well being. But here’s the test (sort of like re-multiplying to check the result after doing long division.) Re-run the external or internal trigger of the discomfort (for example, an unfavorable conversation) and see if the same emotion is provoked. If it’s lessened – success! Immediate results that the process is working!

This is similar to Anthony Robbins’ submodalities that he talks about in “Awaken the Giant Within” Many others talk about installing new beliefs to counteract old beliefs and use similar processes such as EFT tapping or Reiki, or even Yoga or meditation. Robbins’ is the most practical of the sort. He tells people to call up a bad memory and view it like you’re watching a movie. This isn’t a stretch. But then, by changing the visual and auditory nature of the movie you change your feeling about it. So to lessen an emotional trauma you can make it black and white, shrink it, or turn down the volume in your mind. Robbins does this because he presupposes that you can’t access emotions directly and must use a mind-image surrogate, much like how you can’t move the arrow cursor on your computer screen without using a mouse. This is a little bit like using a sponge to sop up the water that’s running out of a hose instead of…turning the hose off.

The other methods I mentioned also deal with alleviating the symptoms of negative or limited beliefs like taking aspirin for a headache instead of eating less sugar in the first place. The process on the other hand, deals with the root problem. More on this later.

A Shift in Perspective

“You supply the food and I’ll supply the perspective” says Anton Ego in “Ratatouille”. Get ready for something hard to swallow. Cause and effect as we deal with them in Phase 1, are backwards. We believe ideas, people, and events cause the desired object of manifestation, when in reality the opposite is true. A new car instantly appears in your hologram in the future. Then that new idea in the hologram causes a rippling effect backwards through time to where you are now. This is how coincidences happen. I don’t know if I can handle the scope of what all the new things appearing and the effect of their backwards rippling is having. It may be the very reason I’m experiencing all that I am now.

I read this book at 24 which is the first time I was exposed to this idea. But my mind was primed to understand it and be willing to believe it (if I was any younger I would have thought this was a crock of shit frankly). The events that primed my mind and their effects briefly are as follows:

Two months ago: Losing all my money driving across the country. This opened me up for new ideas, starting over with nothing to lose…

Three Months ago: Reading Alan Watts book, “The Book on the Taboo of Knowing Who you Are”. I was introduced to the idea that who we are and what we experience are the same thing expressing itself in different ways.

Four months ago: Tripping on LSD at Lake Tahoe. I knew that I had to leave my hometown in California and that I must leave my past – people, experiences, and beliefs – behind to be happy.

Six Months ago: My first feature film – a lifelong dream - crashes and burns. I don’t finish it. This shows me that the Law of Attraction does not actually work.

One year ago: Begin first feature film with full conviction that I create my own reality using the rules of the Law of Attraction.

Three years ago: Read “Think and Grow Rich.” Watch “The Secret” and “What the Bleep:” My love affair with New Age, Metaphysical, and Self Help books begins. Begin studying the wondrous Law of Attraction.

Eight Years ago: Watch “The Matrix” I think, wow – wouldn’t it be cool if all of this world was fake and once we knew that, amazing possibilities would exist? A small part of it rings true with my soul.

Nine Years ago: I have the random thought, “There seems to be a greater pattern going on in life when I look at my past. There has to be some kind of design to this.” I decide to change my views from atheism to spirituality and belief in a higher power.

I’m sure I could go on and on in either direction, but it’s clear that there is a pattern here that is not random and has specifically led me here. I’d also like to point out that as the pattern moves closer to it’s origination point right now, the “random” events seem to come with greater frequency.

Let’s Talk About Feelings

I’m a results oriented person. I know that’s Phase 1 speak, but it’s true. I enjoy all this time diving into contemporary and ancient spritual texts but I’d really enjoy a much more successful and enjoyable life – money, a fantastic relationship, travel, compelling creative pursuits, leisure time, etc. Though most of these spiritual practices are supposed to make your life “better” there is no real solid measurement system for what a better life is. And since there’s no useful measurement system, it’s difficult to tell if anything is happening or “working” Generally, I’ll only stand on my head reciting the national anthem so many times without results before I’ll stop and go surf the web.

Furthermore, if something does “happen” and life gets “better” then it’s hard to tell whether it’s just been a good day, or if you’re magically creating your reality. Pretty much the only way to tell if things are getting better is if they are getting better consistently. However, most of the time external things don’t get better all that fast and it’s hard to notice subtle changes over time – like noticing your hair growing until it just seems longer or weight loss until you just seem thinner.

With the process, there is a useful measurement system, one that provides the ability to know if you are getting results whenever you apply it. The brilliance of it is it’s an internal measurement system, like the Abraham-Hicks emotional guidance system but unlike that this is focused on transforming (or draining) emotions of their power and thus reclaiming it, instead of shifting the emotion altogether, which is as useful as saying “don’t think of a pink elephant” or “stop being so angry”

If you feel better about the thing that gave you discomfort (a bill, a twinge of jealousy, or the aformentioned unfavorable conversation) after applying the process then it worked. I have tried this on numerous things so far. I’ve been applying the process around 10-20 times per day. It takes only about 60 seconds and I’ve done it while doing other stuff, such as driving, working out, or talking to someone else. Subjects of discomfort include traffic, relationship dissatisfaction, guilt, embarassment, past hurts, lack of money, lack of self esteem, feeling like I should do something when I don’t want to, and many more.

Internal Results

After applying the process, almost unequivocally the feeling I have is one of incredible well being, even when thinking about the thing that previously gave me discomfort. It’s not euphoria, but something more subdued and constant. This is a rather odd phenomenon. Imagine having a fear of heights and then all of a sudden appreciating the fear as an aspect of your limited self while feeling completely benevolent towards it. This has happened with me for even incredibly painful memories and sensations. Not, however, pain itself. I have not transcended pain like an Indian swami, but it did offer me a little relief from a toothache. When the process didn’t work, it still relieved some of the intensity of the emotion. I’m still not happy about not having money, but I’m not incredibly worried like before.

Most times when I apply it, it’s precursor is an external trigger, but thankfully I’m usually in a private situation where I have some time to apply the process. For instance when I looked at a picture of an attractive woman in a magazine and felt loss or yearning. Less often have I used the process while out and about or in the company of others. People would generally think I was nuts if I was to say out loud the statements of the process so I relegate it to my thoughts. This hasn’t lessened the effect however, except when reclaiming power it’s helpful for me to say out loud with force “I reclaim my power NOW” to improve my conviction and belief in the statement. Especially right now since this is all so new and my conviction is shaky at best.

I’ve already begun to see results in emotional stability and less worrying thoughts plague me in my downtime (when I’m not enthralled with something like a book, writing, working, or talking with a friend on the phone) On the flipside, I’ve felt more intense emotions surface. It’s like they were waiting for me to have the capacity to deal with them. I’ve found myself crying once every couple of days, maybe multiple times a day. But then I apply the process and the sadness goes away. It’s very cathartic.

The reason I’ve been having less negative thoughts is because many stem from the way I thought of the world in Phase 1. But thinking about it in a Phase 2 mindset makes the problem obsolete. For instance, right now I owe someone money and I haven’t worked in a couple months. I’m working now but I still haven’t been paid, and the guilt I feel for not paying them is heavy and only increases in pressure over time. However, in Phase 2, I’m the only one creating this hologram so I’m feeling bad about not paying myself, which doesn’t make any sense. If I went through a day and didn’t pay myself money (whatever that means) I would not care at all. I certainly wouldn’t lose sleep over it.

Another example is the feature film above that I left unfinished in California. Usually when I don’t complete something I feel like a failure, and this is no different. In Phase 2 however, the whole project can be viewed as simply an illusion that I wanted to play with at the time. Now I don’t feel compelled to work on it and would rather do other things with my life. After all, a board game that I bought and enjoyed playing doesn’t become a cause for alarm when it sits on a shelf.

Actually most of my behaviors stem from belief structure embedded in Phase 1. I check my email religously when in fact it doesn’t exist. I worry about what others think of me, though I created them. I don’t want to spend money for fear of not being able to get more, even though money is as intrinsic to my true expanded self as a head is to a body and its’ supply is unlimited.

And here’s the biggy. I began studying the law of attraction because I wanted to live an extraordinary life like a movie star billionaire astronaut. Now that I’m embarking on this journey I realize that my sole motivator for my unending spiritual quest is simply a falsitude of the Phase 1 experience. This is not to say that my dreams are null and void, but merely that proactively trying to change the hologram to reflect my dreams is completely futile. It’s like trying to shave the mirror to get rid of a beard. They say your expanded self (the infinite part of you) knows what’s best for you. Leaving life to unfold is taking a tremendous amount of faith but it’s nice feeling like I don’t have to push the “do do do” boulder up the mountain of life anymore. All in all, I believe this is the real deal.

Results in the Hologram

The amount of work that I have has drastically increased for the moment.

Last week I may have secured a job in video at a corporate facility that allows me to travel.

The same corporate facility (where I was catering) sent all of us home with free boxes (like $300 worth) of ice cream because they needed to clear out their fridges, twice. I’ve also received a platter of sandwiches from my job and many drinks from a Starbucks vendor there for free (because they didn’t want to take them downstairs)

I saw three sunbows (rainbow without rain) yesterday inside, and one today in the sky. I’ve only seen one before in my life.

Today I was being fitted for tuxedo pants, and they claimed I was a 34 waist 34 length. I’ve been a 32 34 since I was fifteen and it’s been very diffcult to find pants. I’ve been trying to gain weight and it’s finally working! And now I can find pants too!